Parenting: Five Tips For Becoming A Totally Wired Parent

Five Tips For Becoming A Totally Wired Parent

By our guest blogger, Anastasia Goodstein, author of Totally Wired: What Teens And Tweens Are Really Doing Online

When you see your tween with her headphones on, thumbs moving seemingly at the speed of light as they send text messages, or hear terms like MySpace, Xanga, blog or podcast, your first reaction might be to glaze over, chalk it up to “kids today,” and move on. But here’s why that’s not a wise response:  kids today are totally wired.  They are the first generation raised with the internet. They’re experiencing a world in which rapid technological change is transforming the way they consume and create media.  Hi-speed technological change is also transforming how they do their schoolwork, socialize with friends and figure out who they are.
Here are five tips intended to help you gain a better understanding of your tween’s online life and strengthen your offline relationship:

1. Talk to your tween or teen about their digital lives. Seems pretty basic, but you’d be surprised at how many parents don’t do this. Have them show you where they hang out online. Ask if you can see their profile or blog. Even if they say no, have them help you create a profile and show you how to set up a blog. As they explain how everything works, you can ask them questions to get them to open up about how they use different features on these sites. Ask if they’ll show you their favorite game – and then play it with them!

2. Set limits. This is your job as a parent, and while your tween may chafe at being restricted, deep down they appreciate boundaries. Keep the computer in a public place where you can drop in and out, periodically look over their shoulder or check their browser history. Make it the family computer. You can also limit the amount of time your teen spends with all of the various screens – cell phones, computers and television. Tweens can spend hours playing video games, texting their friends in the middle of the night, or socializing over instant messenger when they should be concentrating on homework. You need to tell them when to turn it off.

3. Teach them cyber ethics. You are probably teaching your tweens ethics already, but there are some differences in how tweens interact online that are important to emphasize. It’s much easier for kids to be cruel online. They can do it anonymously, steal passwords and do it as someone else or slam other kids or adults on blogs or social networking sites. Technology provides a sense of detachment from the victim, and the public and viral nature of the internet means that more people can join in and that the potential consequences are much greater including expulsions and lawsuits. Tell your tween to never share their password and talk about the real emotional consequences of cyberbullying. At the same time, encourage them to share any experience they may have had with cyberbullying with you. Assure them you won’t “take the internet away,” and that you’re there to support them no matter what may have happened.

4. Teach them to be information literate. Help them to be critical of sites they visit, to evaluate who funds certain sites, how credible the information is and whether or not they are appropriate sources for schoolwork. For example, while Wikipedia is a great source of information, since it can be modified by anyone, it’s not a credible source to site in a research paper for school. 

5. Explain that the web is a virtual public. The internet is a public space, just like your town square. The “don’t talk to strangers” message should be enhanced with the warning that predators will often pose as teens. Remind tweens that any information they post on a public blog or profile, can be seen by anyone including their friends’ parents and teachers. You can also make sure they keep their profile private or just for their friends. Talk to tweens about what’s appropriate to post and what might get them in trouble later. Make sure they don’t post too much identifying information on public blogs or profiles like their last name, school or home address.

For more information and loads of resources visit www.totallywiredbook.com. The book is available on Amazon.

- by Anastasia Goodstein for Moms' Buzz